"Good Medicine"

I woke up this morning with a sense of awful moving in. I began think about the tactics it would take to get me out of my stifled state . All the finagling in my head made me more anxious. The idea of talking to any super genius humans did not sound appealing in any way. Even my angel doggie Charlie did not lift any burdens. I felt doubt creeping in. My heart literally felt heavy. I knew my help had to come from higher ground. I got up, got my coffee, hugged kids, made my husband coffee, and went outside. I headed for a quiet spot right by my apple tree. I still felt frozen in worry. There was no relief. I did the next best thing I knew to do in morose times, and I headed for the tub. Sitting there with blank thoughts, I received no answers, no nudging, and no peace. I walked through the morning numbly. As I blanked out during morning ablutions, I felt lead to go to one more outlet that is a secret place of inspiration for me. In my upstairs back bathroom, the window opens up to a ...

I honestly can not believe how quickly children grow up. I find that I took quite a long time to mature and get my head right. I remember my thoughts and beliefs as a teenager, a young adult, a new mama and now I am "mame." I do not really know how I feel about all this growing and going. As Simba said, "Change is hard." I don't like change but I would hate for things to stay the same. I don't want to grow old, yet I anticipate a future of wisdom, enjoyment, slowing down and not being so concerned about looks. I thought when I was younger that I would enjoy being a grey haired granny swinging on the porch with my grandkids. I would not concern myself with the outside but I would concentrate on relationships. Well, it was a nice theory but I see a few things slipping that I fear are not as pleasant as I had hoped. Kids get less dependent and I always dreamed of them being self sufficient. I actually get a little blue when the older kids are okay without my in...

Suicidal ideation is nothing new under the sun. King David himself in all his splendor said, "Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest." We all want to be at peace in our own bodies. Everyone with skin on can relate to flying high as a free bird away from troubles. The bad stuff in life does not skip anyone. The bottom line is, we either face them with courage or we live a life of hot pursuit of not. Not handling our issues, running from pain, and anesthetizing ourselves are time - tested ways to deal with problems. Popular, albeit dodging issues is ineffective and more problems are incurred from escape. They come in the form of drugs, alcohol, manipulation, delusions, excess, and impulsively. A real answer is actually taking the band-aid off and looking at our sources of pain. Indians, indigenous people from America, North America and Mexico believed that people have soul wounds and in order to be healthy, good medicine needed to heal them. As a ...

At 42 years old, I have gleaned a few things though my life’s journey. Simple though they may be, they are my strengths. One is to always stand up straight and tall! The power stance says it all. If I walk in with my head down, and I am not aware of my environment, it says I am not able the face the world. My mom always said, “Stand up straight!” I am such a hard head that, yes after her death I am finally listening, and she will be gloriously glowing to know I do! My mother -in - law always taught her children to be aware of their environment, which says I am not a victim, I know what’s going on! Besides my stature, I take care of my skin and have since I was a teen. My face is my billboard, but behind the eyes (saturated in a good eye cream) is my soul. I care for my soul over my body. If my soul is at rest then I can fully function and do what I need to do every day. If I am not clear then I cannot be on target daily. Being on task daily may not mean getting the to do list ove...

There are many things that are a mystery but I do know, that children give to our lives, they are not takers. I believe I have met some of the most beautiful angels right here on planet earth, and I believe I meet more daily. I know that music heals, scents can clear and give peace, and colors bring joy and protection. I know that our lives can enjoy rest for our souls and that peace can abide. Tumult can end when we are sure, and giving these keys to others is a joy. I know animals are guides, grandmas are queens, and grandpas are warriors. Neighbors are blessings, and friends are rare jewels and a kindred spirit is who you have your pow-wow coffee with. Sisters are the ones who know your story and can vouch for your cause, even if it is shopping and laughter. Singing with the saints in the sanctuary is eternal. Flowers evoke passion, charm is deceitful, beauty is vain, hand shakes are integral and so is a name. Advocacy for the voiceless is needed and a lot more courage too! I kno...

Why do birds suddenly appear? Once I heard a bird’s song, like I’d never heard before. I followed the sound to a baby bird alone in a bush. It was a white cockatiel. It was loudly calling for help, so I approached it and put my hand out to see if it would let me help him. He jumped right on to my hand and up to my shoulder where he rested. He was happy and so was I. At the time I found that baby bird, I had just lost my mom to cancer and I had a 1 month old, and was totaling 3 children. It was too much for me to consider keeping the baby bird knowing that those birds live for 30 or more years. I found the baby a good home, but always wondered what the message was that he brought. I like to think it was God’s way of letting me know my mom was also safe at home. I also believe that the message of a white bird always signifies peace, the Holy Spirit and of course when I see a white feather, I believe with all my heart that angels are around. I also fully believe that God loves to send m...

As I was people watching in the mall the other day, I noticed most times in passing - no one would look up for eye contact…eyes were on the floor. Where are the smiles? I was baffled. I was in public and yet there was none present. My theory is that folks are so devoted to gadgets that they miss authentic life as it is happening. It is awkward to unplug and be retrospect, isn’t it? A sad day is being in a waiting room that everyone’s face is down in a phone rather than speaking to one another. We are not truly BE-ing. The only way we catch names anymore is on Starbucks beverages. That is if we are listening, observing, or if we care. All this available connect we have to everything else is causing disconnect in the human touch. Families are not in unity. We are not having conversations. There is less real interaction. What is happening? Escape? Escape from the real world into self. I feel myself slipping into this dross when I choose to ignore passers by or think of others as a bother...

Dear Victoria - I’ve got a secret, I recently received a lovely gift certificate for Victoria’s Secret. Retail therapy works for me. What woman does not want to feel beautiful? One assumes that your stores’ intention is to make skivvies more than a necessity, but a delight. I enjoy soft, silky materials. Colors appeal to my senses and make me happier than the classic standard of beige and white undies. So I do appreciate the duty you have of helping women put on their sexy pants while putting a little va-voom in relationships. However, I was taken aback the moment I discovered that you don’t have extra large. Large, according to your sales clerk was sizes 12-14, and it was, “sure to fit me.” I sashayed around noticing that most of the larges were quickly taken up and what was left were extra small, small and medium. I dared to wonder “who is an extra small, these garments are for grown folks, right?” Here’s my secret, Victoria. The average size of a woman is 14. Now, this is not a n...

I had an interview today with the Marriage and Family Therapy Board at 9:15 a.m. After running through the parking lot, running upstairs and back down because the doors were locked, and trudging through university hall ways, I finally arrived at 9:20 a.m. to discover the interviews were running late. After I calmed down, and sniffed on some lavender, I noticed my best friend texted that she was praying for me. I knew she was, I could feel the grace. Taking the time to listen to my peers speak about their sites and experiences as mental health interns was medicine for my soul. One was an Okie girl like me. I was happy to be around people who understood what I had just been through, getting all those hours together for the prize, the license! My interview went well and I sashayed out the door saluting "OU" to my cohorts. My Okie friend responded with a congratulatory "Boomer Sooner!" They looked relieved for me, knowing their rite of passage was next. The overwhelmi...

When I stepped in I felt like I had already lived more than a 17 year old should have. I had already accrued many scars, a lovely tattoo and several bad habits. In fact, by the time I was 16 years old I was a full-fledged alcoholic and occasioned recreational drugs. I drank grape beer with my granny and smoked cigarettes since I was 5. She would say, “I would rather you smoke in front of me so you don’t burn the house down.” Bless her heart; she had an 8th grade education and her own scars. Gladdy was a family friend but I always considered her a granny. I learned love for cats, beer and how to love even when you are not blood related from her. I know why I was trying to sabotage my life now. At the time, I literally had no good ideas, no mentors and no direction. If I did, I was not listening to them. My friends certainly had no clue about how to do life. I loved them dearly but I saw that their futures were destined to be professional partiers. I wasn’t even psychic! I knew that l...

Disappointment in life is nothing new under the sun. Relying on others is cause for letdown and bitterness in our lives. One of the biggest ramifications of hanging on to those things is that trust is not easily given after we have been let down a time or two. Look at the bright side; it also promotes heaps of self-determination. We still have to believe all things! We should believe the best in people and hope that they do their best for themselves and by us. Expect sometimes when they don’t - cause sometimes they wont. Life happens, meh happens, and people may not prioritize us in the scheme of life. That’s okay, we must continue to build and believe in others anyway. Ever meet a grumpy old man or woman that just has been used up and let down? Their face is stuck on crumpled. I for one don’t want that kind of face or disposition. I take a strength-based approach in life and that is I believe that we all have the potential to be highly influential, great people. We all have dreams, ...

I am Holly, I have been here in Las Vegas for 20+ years so it's home. I dealt with 115-degree weather, gambling, and splendor at its finest from this town and there is nothing but love for this great state from me. Most of the time, I enjoy what this town has to offer my family. I also reach out to the community in many efforts for social change and good old fashioned unconditional love. I do, however feel there is one issue that is almost impossible for me to swallow. That is the sexualization of this town. Now, I am not trying to make this a place that it is not. Hear me out, please. That being said I noticed some things here that many others do not seem to notice at all. Its like I live with people who chose not to see the obvious. Many people here do not believe that it is their duty to speak the truth about what happens in Vegas. Its been touted it just stays here, so we don’t really need to notice advertisements for sex, or shows, or clubs that are offering happy endings. I...

There is a lot to be said about friendship. I know for me it is the salt of the earth. Friendship gives life flavor. Fun. There really cannot be anything better on the planet than laughing with a friend. When is the last time you laughed so hard your face hurt with your bestie? Friends can make the difference in a lackluster day. I am talking about the acquaintances we have as well. People like the folks we see at the store, or co- workers that we may chat with but we don’t divulge our dreams, depths or dregs too. Those people help make life more than tolerable. Sometimes a smile or a little talk about the weather buoys the soul. I have even spoken to people that I don’t know that well that have given me enough inspiration to go on for weeks. Then there are those friends that you can take the masks down with and be real. Not your selfie pic, but the true you. I am not even talking about the people that have known you forever. We change every seven years in a variety of ways. The Ho...

I have always been a helper. I started working at 14 years old bagging groceries and swabbing the deck. I was a nurse's assistant in high school at a nursing home. I loved my patients. I had a patient tell me one time that all she had to look forward to was seeing me daily. I have been involved in the helping field since I was 18 years old. In college, we we went to Central America for a missionary trip, I have taught young children for 15 years in a church setting and I have worked with adults that have lost everything. I know that I couldn't possibly have all the answers for all the loss that I have encountered in these peoples lives, but I am sure God knows how best to be God. Faith is not that easy for me. Especially when I see the hurting regularly. At times, I wonder about these individuals, and I'll think, God, will that one make it ? Alas, I always hold out hope that they will and yes- I have doubted. One afternoon, I took my family to get out of the house and get...

I don't know what it twas about this summer - but for me, it was nostalgic. I have been in a sentimental mood since it began. Firstly, my nephew comes out every summer so I have a total of 6 kids I get to look after. Looking after the young includes: yummy summer food fare, entertaining and learning how to just chill together. We traveled, which is indicative of stopping at every site we felt was interesting enough. It meant having buzz words like, "enema, Chupacobra, krumping and twerk it." All I can say is never purchase an enema that has pictures on the label. And yes Virginia, the Chupacobra was in California lately. It was a summer of swimming lessons and then seeing my four year old swim across the pool. It was a time of star gazing whilst listening to 80's music, lots of Popsicles and lots of laughs. The kids played chess, painted, made homemade clay figures, and ate homemade apple pie. We shot off fire crackers, rode bikes, and danced in the kitchen (some were...

I can't stand to waste time, it is far too precious. I just wanted to say I am busy rearing the future leaders of the world and slowly trying to take it over at the same time. It can be a little taxing at times, however most days I look back and go , "Wow how did I do that?" Here is how I do it all (rather silly how a human tries, but here it goes): I always buy myself flowers, I chew gum, eat coffee covered coffee often, believe in aromatherapy, retail therapy, chocolate, babies are healing, good friends are too, I meditate, do Zumba on a whim, hug everyone, grow plants, read, and stay away from tv and trust God in the process. Today, I was trying to get my business done (bills, my favorite), watch 3 babies under 3, get my homework done and make last minute plans on a birthday party (my second this week), clean, do laundry,cook, exercise and pay attention to everyone. The kids were demolishing the house I cleaned 5 times this week. Being the mature person I am - I go...

I needed some uplifting, so I was looking at my journal from when I was pregnant with Gabriella, my 4th child. She is 18 months old now, and I have written throughout all my pregnancies. I am 32 weeks along into my 5th pregnancy. It was then that I was refreshed to read my thoughts on a page called, "Thong? Wrong." I am more into comfort than I have been my entire life. I never even wore flip flops (slippahs) before I became pregnant with Serena (number 3 at age 34). I certainly never left the house without perfume, earrings, or make up. You are never fully dressed without sun block in the Vegas. I hope and pray that as an old lady sitting on my porch, I never regret the lack of luster and flub bub. I just want to be the best mom I can. At times that requires comfortable shoes, and a shirt you don't mind banana on. Forgetta bout earrings that could be ripped out, and hair is back. I would have never thought of "back" as my hair style as a younger, trendier gal...

Everytime I think of the fact that I already have four children, I just shake my head in disbelief. Now, I am in my last trimester with number five. All I can say is that we are so blessed. I would have never planned my life this way - but God. As Hope, my eldest daughter says, "You hit the jackpot in kids, mom." There are days when I think I am living in the Twilight Zone. Then, there are times that I feel I am the most fortunate person living. Right now I am caring, loving, and teaching the little ones I have, whilst carrying another. I just have to remember that through the hormones, heat and bowling ball in my belly - there is a life that has no bounds of possibility that is alive and waiting to see us all. I did buy a baby t-shirt today that said,"Baby Brother," for retail therapy. I have the strength to complete this course of action. That is, a few more months of pregnancy (which is not for wimps) and I CAN handle all the other life around me as well. As Erm...

My Great, Great, Great Grandfather is Chief of the Potawatomi’s Abram B. Burnett (Nan-Wesh-Mah). His first wife was the legendary D'Moosh Kee Kee Awh (Darling Woman/GoodMedicine). It was well known that her beauty and strength was matchless throughout the region. She married Chief Burnett and was at his side during his advocacy for the nation. The story ends with her dying only four years after they married, leaving no children. I was actually grieved when I discovered her destiny. The good Chief went on to marry a fine German lady named Mary, and they had many children. I simply will not let a Darling Woman - Good Medicine die without a legacy. Therefore all the gifting and work from my hands will be from an elusive place called Good Medicine Ranch - Where All Good Things Flow.