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Soldier Mom

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I needed some uplifting, so I was looking at my journal from when I was pregnant with Gabriella, my 4th child. She is 18 months old now, and I have written throughout all my pregnancies. I am 32 weeks along into my 5th pregnancy. It was then that I was refreshed to read my thoughts on a page called, "Thong? Wrong." I am more into comfort than I have been my entire life. I never even wore flip flops (slippahs) before I became pregnant with Serena (number 3 at age 34). I certainly never left the house without perfume, earrings, or make up. You are never fully dressed without sun block in the Vegas. I hope and pray that as an old lady sitting on my porch, I never regret the lack of luster and flub bub. I just want to be the best mom I can. At times that requires comfortable shoes, and a shirt you don't mind banana on. Forgetta bout earrings that could be ripped out, and hair is back. I would have never thought of "back" as my hair style as a younger, trendier gal...
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A New Baby

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Everytime I think of the fact that I already have four children, I just shake my head in disbelief. Now, I am in my last trimester with number five. All I can say is that we are so blessed. I would have never planned my life this way - but God. As Hope, my eldest daughter says, "You hit the jackpot in kids, mom." There are days when I think I am living in the Twilight Zone. Then, there are times that I feel I am the most fortunate person living. Right now I am caring, loving, and teaching the little ones I have, whilst carrying another. I just have to remember that through the hormones, heat and bowling ball in my belly - there is a life that has no bounds of possibility that is alive and waiting to see us all. I did buy a baby t-shirt today that said,"Baby Brother," for retail therapy. I have the strength to complete this course of action. That is, a few more months of pregnancy (which is not for wimps) and I CAN handle all the other life around me as well. As Erm...
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I WILL NOT QUIT

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I decided after 3 years of "taking a break," in a doctoral program in Human Services with Walden to head on back to class. My first class is Qualitative Reasoning and Analysis. It is hairy, and difficult and - it is all online. With this in mind, my 19 year old daughter is in boot camp with a fractured hip, telling me, "Only 20% of the people make it through boot camp with this injury." I told her, "but that is not true for you." All the while, as I write this; I failed my first assignment in the course. I considered the fact that many people don't make it through the program. I got in my head about how, "I don't need that degree," and I second guessed myself that this going back was all a big mistake. You know, the usual. After a day of marinating in the illusions. I began to deal with the truth. It's just a paper. It's not the end of the world. Nothing is - ever. We don't really know the rest of the story. I decided to stop...
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