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Soldier Mom

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I needed some uplifting, so I was looking at my journal from when I was pregnant with Gabriella, my 4th child. She is 18 months old now, and I have written throughout all my pregnancies. I am 32 weeks along into my 5th pregnancy. It was then that I was refreshed to read my thoughts on a page called, "Thong? Wrong." I am more into comfort than I have been my entire life. I never even wore flip flops (slippahs) before I became pregnant with Serena (number 3 at age 34). I certainly never left the house without perfume, earrings, or make up. You are never fully dressed without sun block in the Vegas. I hope and pray that as an old lady sitting on my porch, I never regret the lack of luster and flub bub. I just want to be the best mom I can. At times that requires comfortable shoes, and a shirt you don't mind banana on. Forgetta bout earrings that could be ripped out, and hair is back. I would have never thought of "back" as my hair style as a younger, trendier gal...
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A New Baby

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Everytime I think of the fact that I already have four children, I just shake my head in disbelief. Now, I am in my last trimester with number five. All I can say is that we are so blessed. I would have never planned my life this way - but God. As Hope, my eldest daughter says, "You hit the jackpot in kids, mom." There are days when I think I am living in the Twilight Zone. Then, there are times that I feel I am the most fortunate person living. Right now I am caring, loving, and teaching the little ones I have, whilst carrying another. I just have to remember that through the hormones, heat and bowling ball in my belly - there is a life that has no bounds of possibility that is alive and waiting to see us all. I did buy a baby t-shirt today that said,"Baby Brother," for retail therapy. I have the strength to complete this course of action. That is, a few more months of pregnancy (which is not for wimps) and I CAN handle all the other life around me as well. As Erm...
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The Home of the Brave

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I was watching a show on Netflix called, The West last night with my husband. I was so full of emotions because I am North American Indian, Potawatomi and Chippewa Cree from Turtle Mountain. I have such a connection to the land and my people without ever having direct relatives teaching me the ways. I was fortunate to have a family friend that I called after my mother died that was a legendary American Indian Elder. His name was Tone-Key, pronounced "Tonkey Eye." His daughter and my mom were best friends, and as fate would have it, they died within a year of year other. When I called him, after finding his number in my mom's phone book, I just wanted to send my condolences, and I desperately needed more connection to my mom, my people, and myself. I was pregnant with my fourth child, and I woke up in the middle of the night with this profound feeling of loss. It wasn't just the loss of my mother, albeit, there is none more significant. I felt a loss of a part of myse...
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