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The Home of the Brave

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I was watching a show on Netflix called, The West last night with my husband. I was so full of emotions because I am North American Indian, Potawatomi and Chippewa Cree from Turtle Mountain. I have such a connection to the land and my people without ever having direct relatives teaching me the ways. I was fortunate to have a family friend that I called after my mother died that was a legendary American Indian Elder. His name was Tone-Key, pronounced "Tonkey Eye." His daughter and my mom were best friends, and as fate would have it, they died within a year of year other. When I called him, after finding his number in my mom's phone book, I just wanted to send my condolences, and I desperately needed more connection to my mom, my people, and myself. I was pregnant with my fourth child, and I woke up in the middle of the night with this profound feeling of loss. It wasn't just the loss of my mother, albeit, there is none more significant. I felt a loss of a part of myse...
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I WILL NOT QUIT

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I decided after 3 years of "taking a break," in a doctoral program in Human Services with Walden to head on back to class. My first class is Qualitative Reasoning and Analysis. It is hairy, and difficult and - it is all online. With this in mind, my 19 year old daughter is in boot camp with a fractured hip, telling me, "Only 20% of the people make it through boot camp with this injury." I told her, "but that is not true for you." All the while, as I write this; I failed my first assignment in the course. I considered the fact that many people don't make it through the program. I got in my head about how, "I don't need that degree," and I second guessed myself that this going back was all a big mistake. You know, the usual. After a day of marinating in the illusions. I began to deal with the truth. It's just a paper. It's not the end of the world. Nothing is - ever. We don't really know the rest of the story. I decided to stop...
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I told my son, "Screw you."

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I generally do not nit pick my children. I allow them to live, and move and have their being, and when they need me - I am always here for them. Even with their homework! If it doesn't get done, they fail. I learned that it is okay to allow kids to live with their mistakes. I get involved to correct them, not to punish them. The only time I boldly step in, in when they are unloving. My 16 year old son is a red headed boy, that I have gone rounds with...till one day when he was about 5 years old - I said, "I'm gonna stomp off your freckles," and we both laughed. That was it. It was over. I stopped the resistance to my parenting, and made it about his life. When I did not care about the perception, but more about the real mother and son relationship, things changed. To this day, after giving me lots of grey hair that I cover often, he is in Modeling United Nations (MUN) with his school, honors classes, football, wrestling, and into girls, oh - and rap. He doesn't...
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