I decided after 3 years of "taking a break," in a doctoral program in Human Services with Walden to head on back to class. My first class is Qualitative Reasoning and Analysis. It is hairy, and difficult and - it is all online. With this in mind, my 19 year old daughter is in boot camp with a fractured hip, telling me, "Only 20% of the people make it through boot camp with this injury." I told her, "but that is not true for you." All the while, as I write this; I failed my first assignment in the course.
I considered the fact that many people don't make it through the program. I got in my head about how, "I don't need that degree," and I second guessed myself that this going back was all a big mistake. You know, the usual. After a day of marinating in the illusions. I began to deal with the truth. It's just a paper. It's not the end of the world. Nothing is - ever. We don't really know the rest of the story. I decided to stop. Breathe. And to really practice non-attachment. If I fail the class, I can take it over. The purpose of this degree is The Journey of Self. I am in competition with myself. I decided that I will do what I can, and see what happens with the rest.
I got a tutor, I read the assignment and the directions over and over again. I even called the teacher and asked for help, (teachers love that stuff). She actually discovered on our call that I did not get all the credit I needed for the paper and my grade ended up being a C. A huge a sigh of relief from the plague of despair, over nothing.
I learned a little about life in this failure. I am not going to allow negativity, ego, and the appearance of awfulness to block my life's path. It's not true that failure is the end of the story. It is in the midst of the battles we learn about the infinite, our own character. Its not the end of the world.


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