I told my son, "Screw you."
I generally do not nit pick my children. I allow them to live, and move and have their being, and when they need me - I am always here for them. Even with their homework! If it doesn't get done, they fail. I learned that it is okay to allow kids to live with their mistakes. I get involved to correct them, not to punish them. The only time I boldly step in, in when they are unloving.
My 16 year old son is a red headed boy, that I have gone rounds with...till one day when he was about 5 years old - I said, "I'm gonna stomp off your freckles," and we both laughed. That was it. It was over. I stopped the resistance to my parenting, and made it about his life. When I did not care about the perception, but more about the real mother and son relationship, things changed.
To this day, after giving me lots of grey hair that I cover often, he is in Modeling United Nations (MUN) with his school, honors classes, football, wrestling, and into girls, oh - and rap. He doesn't play much video games, he's not saggin', and he can be trusted (I do spy, no lie). My only concern is when is is not loving to his family. He does have 3 loud, younger siblings (10, 8 and 6 yers old). My house is loud, messy and well lived in I assure you. Albeit, there is lots of love here. Last week when I told him he could not go to his friends house he said, and I quote, "Screw you." I did not say anything. He texted me later and asked to go to the J Cole concert - to which I replied, "Screw you."
Then next morning on the way to school. I said,"Sam, I apologize for being spiteful, and saying 'screw you'. I was really trying to show you how bad that hurts. It hurt me, especially since I speak very kind to you. I did it for shock value. The truth is, I do not like that and I apologize. I was not loving. All I really want from you is for you to be loving to your family, and to me most importantly. How you treat me, is how you will treat other women, and I would be to blame for allowing you to be disrespectful. I want you to be an excellent friend, brother, son and someday a wonderful partner. I love you too much to let you get away with that. Now, let me ask you, do you think you were being a good example to your little sisters and brother who watch you in awe and respect?" With a small tear in his eye he said, "No." "Okay, son, I love you." He got out of the car, popped his head down and said, "I apologize mom, I love you." - Good talk...
I had to share this moment, because I feel like we won together, he won, and I won. I did not take a 16 year being a 16 year old personally, but I wanted us to both learn to be better. Love never fails.
My 16 year old son is a red headed boy, that I have gone rounds with...till one day when he was about 5 years old - I said, "I'm gonna stomp off your freckles," and we both laughed. That was it. It was over. I stopped the resistance to my parenting, and made it about his life. When I did not care about the perception, but more about the real mother and son relationship, things changed.
To this day, after giving me lots of grey hair that I cover often, he is in Modeling United Nations (MUN) with his school, honors classes, football, wrestling, and into girls, oh - and rap. He doesn't play much video games, he's not saggin', and he can be trusted (I do spy, no lie). My only concern is when is is not loving to his family. He does have 3 loud, younger siblings (10, 8 and 6 yers old). My house is loud, messy and well lived in I assure you. Albeit, there is lots of love here. Last week when I told him he could not go to his friends house he said, and I quote, "Screw you." I did not say anything. He texted me later and asked to go to the J Cole concert - to which I replied, "Screw you."
Then next morning on the way to school. I said,"Sam, I apologize for being spiteful, and saying 'screw you'. I was really trying to show you how bad that hurts. It hurt me, especially since I speak very kind to you. I did it for shock value. The truth is, I do not like that and I apologize. I was not loving. All I really want from you is for you to be loving to your family, and to me most importantly. How you treat me, is how you will treat other women, and I would be to blame for allowing you to be disrespectful. I want you to be an excellent friend, brother, son and someday a wonderful partner. I love you too much to let you get away with that. Now, let me ask you, do you think you were being a good example to your little sisters and brother who watch you in awe and respect?" With a small tear in his eye he said, "No." "Okay, son, I love you." He got out of the car, popped his head down and said, "I apologize mom, I love you." - Good talk...
I had to share this moment, because I feel like we won together, he won, and I won. I did not take a 16 year being a 16 year old personally, but I wanted us to both learn to be better. Love never fails.
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