Allowing
Once I heard a bird’s song, like I’d never heard before. I followed the sound to a baby bird alone in a bush. It was a white cockatiel. It was loudly calling for help, so I approached it and put my hand out to see if it would let me help him. He jumped right on to my hand and up to my shoulder where he rested. He was happy and so was I. At the time I found that baby bird, I had just lost my mom to cancer and I had a 1 month old, and was totaling 3 children. It was too much for me to consider keeping the baby bird knowing that those birds live for 30 or more years. I found the baby a good home, but always wondered what the message was that he brought. I like to think it was God’s way of letting me know my mom was also safe at home.
I also believe that the message of a white bird always signifies peace, the Holy Spirit and of course when I see a white feather, I believe with all my heart that angels are around. I also fully believe that God loves to send me messages when I have ears to hear. Whatever one considers a messenger; know that the bible says that there is no one defined type of angel. In fact, Hebrews 13:2 says, “Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.” Birds, stray dogs, kids, little grannies, madmen, even drunks – we never know what angels come in disguise as, but they always have a message.
Several years later, I had another winged visitor fly into my life. A beautiful, pure, white pigeon flew into my garage one afternoon as I was unloading my now 5 children from the minivan. I saw that it headed right into a box of clothes. I yelled for my husband, Michael to get it out of the box it was rummaging in. The bird was trying to root down in the box and hope we hadn’t noticed it. I was hoping there wasn’t a bird family that moved in, but alas there she was, one bird all-alone. She made no fuss when Michael picked her up. She did not flap and flail, she sat calmly in his hands. She was quite reserved for a wild bird, I thought. We put her in a laundry basket and gave her a ski cap for a nest and off we all went to take her to the vet to see if she was okay. Perhaps we could drop her there and do our good deed du jour. The emergency vet would not take stray birds but a client of theirs told us a bout a veterinarian who specialized in birds on the other side of town. So we took off with our bird in the laundry basket with our 5 children to find a way to help this bird.
The vet took the bird and told us that we could call in a few days to check on her. Really, they did not know the sex of the bird, that has to be done through blood testing, but they had never seen such a beautiful bird come through the doors in awhile. We were informed that the doctor was pleased when folks rescue birds. They inquired if we wanted to keep the bird or not. They would feed the bird, get it strong and most likely release it otherwise. I said, “We would need time to think about keeping the bird.” Dr. C and his staff at Park Animal hospital were kind and informative. We found out that she did have a bruised wing and her foot would be lame for life. The doctor speculated that she was a homing pigeon that may have been attacked by another bird, or perhaps she hit something. He explained that she was most likely not a wild bird.
White pigeons are the kind of birds that are breed for homing pigeons, or used in magic shows. She was not tagged, so there was not telling what her story was. My thoughts were why not add to our 5 children, 4 fish, 2 cats, and a dog? I wanted to keep the bird; I mean how many more times can a white bird visit before I comply?
I knew there was a reason for her visitation. The doctor did not charge us for anything but her x-ray, and my husband just found a birdcage on the curb the day we decided to keep her. We picked up the white bird and took her home. On the way home, I had to make a quick stop and see our mechanic, who is also our car salesman and friend. Fred popped his head in to our van to see our kids and say “hello” as he always does. When he saw the bird he said, “Oh that is a beautiful pigeon. That is a female, I can tell by the shape of her head. I used to raise these birds when I was a kid.” I was pretty amazed that he would know about birds, but not surprised. He is a good ol’ boy as my dad always says. He did mention as we drove away, “She will fly away from you someday.”
The thought of our bird flying away and all the strangeness of this situation was reeling in my head for the drive home. We got her situated high above the paw and little hand line in our home in her new cage. We kept her ski cap in the cage for remembrance and comfort.
Our white bird loved to eat! She required lots of water and man did she love a bath. I gave her a really warm bath in a study Corningware bowl. She would sit in her bath, puffed chest with her head on her breast resting. She would stare at me every chance she could. She was checking me out to see if I was safe. I would show her over and over that I was worthy of trust. I fed her, gave her fresh water and kept her cage clean. I kept the furry spectators, as well as little hands away from her so she would not get stressed out. During the times I was gone I would play peaceful healing music for her. I would send prayers of healing and calm to her when I thought of her there in her cage.
One day in church, I heard a message that reminded me that we have to be ever mindful of forever. That God is always helping us in the here and now, and He does that because of a forever relationship. We are eternal beings, we are spiritual and we are here to live and move and have our being in Him. I thought, perhaps this bird is here to remind me to keep my mind on higher things, to open, alert, awake, aware! I named her Eternity. I was grateful for the reminder.
As the weather cooled, our family spends more time outside. In the desert, spring is the right time to be outdoors, for some of the days we have a nearly prefect temperatures. I began to work in my garden and I would at the same time do more bird observations.
I have always been a bird lover, except for our parrot Freddy that we had when we were little kids. He only said one word and that was an expletive that is not allowed in my home to this day. He bit my on the lip and it left a scar. I was only trying to give it a kiss!
I know there is a mockingbird that follows me when I take walks. He even followed me when I moved. We only moved a block away on our last move, but so did the mockingbird, right into my back yard. I don’t know if it is my Potawatomi Indian heritage, but I have always been very retrospective. I have also been very aware of nature. What I would look at are the other pigeons with their mates. I would also see them flying in the sunlight, enjoying the spring. I would wonder if Eternity missed flying free? I wondered if she missed her home, or a mate? I know at night she finally began to coo, and it sounded like a machine. I wondered did she feel at home?
Eternity was not difficult to care for. I looked forward to saying good morning to her and good night as I would cover her cage. I enjoyed her coos, and her constant observation. One time, Michael asked me to hold her as we cleaned her cage. I got scared because she would peck you if she felt threatened. I dropped her and the dog started barking, and the cats were wide eyed and it was pandemonium! She could barley fly up to the bed and she was very fast with her reflexes. Thankfully, Mike did not have a bird bite fear that I had, so he caught her and we got her safely in her cage. I thought, “she most likely doesn’t feel this is the most peaceful home.”
I began to notice at times she would flap her wings and hit her head on the ceiling of her cage. I knew she wanted out! I told her I knew she wanted to fly free, but that I saw something she did not see, that she had some weak areas that would cause her to get hurt if I let her go now. I promised that I would trust her to be set free, and that she could trust me to let her go when I knew the time was right. That is hard to do. To stop control and allow…
One morning, several weeks later, I woke up and heard Eternity banging in her cage. I knew it was the day. I took her downstairs with my little children, Serena 6 and Simeon 3. Just to check if I was hearing correctly, I consulted Serena if today was a good day to let Eternity free? “Yes,” she replied, “We should let her go,” just like that. I took her outside in her cage and got my coffee of course. I was thinking I would let her go free, and watch her fly through the sky with my support team of babies and coffee (my comfort food supreme). Albeit, I let her free and she wobbled and flitted and ran around on the ground. I was literally running to catch her across the yard! She flew up to the wall and up into the neighbor’s tree. I was, of course right behind her trying to catch her in panic mode. I made a mistake! She was not ready - she’ll get killed, I thought. Right then, my son let the dog and the cats outside to join in the chaos.
I hotly rebuked him though tears and panic to follow directions next time. After I settled the house down and had all the little people and little animals inside I knew I had to get Eternity back. Even if I had to have an all day vigil on the rooftop to get her back. However, when I came outside with hot streaming tears, she was gone. Eternity was not on the roof, she had flown away.
Serena and Simeon tried to comfort me as I cried like a baby that I had failed the bird. Serena was hugging me, and said, “Momma, its my fault. I should not have said we should let her go. Momma, don’t cry.” I responded, “Serena, Momma’s sad, so it’s okay if I cry. I am crying because all of us were right! It was Eternity’s time to go. It’s just that letting go is hard.”
I sent the kids to get ready for school and I went back outside to calm down. I thought there is nothing more soothing than gardening so I began to plant my flowers for spring. As I continued to cry, which was probably my most teary time I had in years, I also began to affirm: I trust you God. I trust you Eternity, I can trust myself to know to do the right things and let go. After a few minutes, I saw Eternity fly right over my head. I knew it was her, and I recognized her call. Serena ran out, “Momma, I saw the bird flying!” I felt relief and joy for trusting God’s creature to do what she needed to do, and it was a big lesson for me in life. Eternity’s message was that the God of all creation does not need us to make birds fly…all we have to do is be awake, alert and allowing and He does the rest.
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