I honestly can not believe how quickly children grow up. I find that I took quite a long time to mature and get my head right. I remember my thoughts and beliefs as a teenager, a young adult, a new mama and now I am "mame." I do not really know how I feel about all this growing and going. As Simba said, "Change is hard." I don't like change but I would hate for things to stay the same. I don't want to grow old, yet I anticipate a future of wisdom, enjoyment, slowing down and not being so concerned about looks. I thought when I was younger that I would enjoy being a grey haired granny swinging on the porch with my grandkids. I would not concern myself with the outside but I would concentrate on relationships. Well, it was a nice theory but I see a few things slipping that I fear are not as pleasant as I had hoped. Kids get less dependent and I always dreamed of them being self sufficient. I actually get a little blue when the older kids are okay without my input. I want a abs of steel but I am grateful for 5 beautiful healthy children.
The Home of the Brave
I was watching a show on Netflix called, The West last night with my husband. I was so full of emotions because I am North American Indian, Potawatomi and Chippewa Cree from Turtle Mountain. I have such a connection to the land and my people without ever having direct relatives teaching me the ways. I was fortunate to have a family friend that I called after my mother died that was a legendary American Indian Elder. His name was Tone-Key, pronounced "Tonkey Eye." His daughter and my mom were best friends, and as fate would have it, they died within a year of year other. When I called him, after finding his number in my mom's phone book, I just wanted to send my condolences, and I desperately needed more connection to my mom, my people, and myself. I was pregnant with my fourth child, and I woke up in the middle of the night with this profound feeling of loss. It wasn't just the loss of my mother, albeit, there is none more significant. I felt a loss of a part of myse...
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